Pizza Hut cologne proves the Mayans may be right

I hope they are not, at least.

There are things that happen in this world that really call to question the wisdom of our species. Or, really I guess the proper way to word it would be “How has our species not dumbed itself out of existence yet?” and to that, I have no answer. The scientific community is out on this, mostly due to cuts in funding such things so that we can teach dogs to drive and cats to wear bread on their faces so that they can take over where we have failed.

Our wisdom failure has become more complete when Pizza Hut turned to their Facebook page and asked fans what they would name a scent that mimicked "a box of Pizza Hut pizza being opened." (This is one reason I avoid Facebook like the plague; I don't need Pizza Hut or any other company stealing my imagination.)

The “winner,” if there was one, must have lost their imagination long ago, as had the PR people behind the whole thing. The winning name was “Eau de Pizza Hut." Following that, a little over 100 bottles were shipped out to Ontario to Pizza Hut Canadian fans. So BK did it once upon a time if I recall right.

I also see bacon-scented perfumes and cologne showing up. Do people realize that humans technically are still a prey animal? No? Well then again, that may do with the lack of wisdom, which I suppose may not be too bad. If our stupidity causes the Mayans to be right in the next few days, then it's the even stupider who will reak of food and make themselves easy targets in a world gone mad.

Golden bricks

Worth more than they are worth. Wait, what?

So what is shiny and costs roughly 15 times its actual value? Why a 25.65g of 14K gold Lego brick, naturally! For one, it's Lego, and that already can make people go stupid with money. Seriously, looking at some of the kits fetching a few hundred dollars at retail, it's stupidly insane what people are willing to pay for things.

Second, and most obviously, it's gold. Gold means it's special right? Well that depends. It's 14K so not flawless and I have a pikachu card that is plated 24K that I got for four bucks. Oh I know, "plated, not solid.” Still, gold tends to be inflated in price well above its actual value when you make it “something.”

The actual value of the brick? A little less than $900 currently. Well let's factor in that it's rare. Apparently these bricks were few and far between and only made between the late 70s and early 80s for select employees and very special business partners. Given all that, what is the current asking price? About $15,000. 

I personally just about spit my coffee out when I read this, and OK, in retrospect this is not as insane as some things. Amazing Fantasy #15, the debut of Spider-Man: A 12 cent comic has sold in “near mint” for over $ 1.1 million. I just can't seem to get over how much people will inflate a cost for things, however.

I guess it's what makes me a crappy collector. I get things I like periodically, and don't go out blowing money on those that I don't have. Would I love a full sized Star Destroyer model used in the filming of Star Wars? Well yes, but where would I keep it and moreover, why the hell would I pay hundreds of thousands for one? I could get a better house paid in full for the cost of one of those. This Lego brick? A new car? I suppose I just don't give material things value; it's all impermanent after all.

More fake girlfriend apps

Can you guess where it's from?

There is one place in this world where the idea of a virtual girlfriend has become 100 times more common than any place in the world, and countless versions have shown up in different media forms and such for well over a decade now to help combat insane amounts of social anxiety.

That's right: Japan. Where else? Sure, these things tend to branch out eventually, but pillow girlfriends, date Sims and even augmented reality dates all start there. It comes as no shock to see anything new in this “theme” come out.

This time it's a silly little iPhone app called “watching cute girl." It's basically exactly what you think it is. It's an app of a cute girl just watching you all dreamy eyed and periodically dropping one of some 180 pre-recorded comments and sweet nothings.

You know, I'm not even going to get snarky at this point. Truth is Japan has a major growth problem (that being zero percent) seeing males becoming more socially reclusive and shy, women becoming more aggressive and self-sufficient.

I know these apps are made to help comfort these situations a bit, but at the same time, isn't it also just going to exacerbate the problem more? I normally would roll over and laugh about going out and meeting people. Problem is that's not likely to happen when there is no incentive to in the first place. I'll just tip my hat and say “good job guys but no thanks, I'm an Android person anyway.” 

Twinkies CAN die after all

Right before the end of the world - great!

It's widely known by now: Hostess is going under thanks to slumping sales and a trade union strike that says "no deals made," leading the creator of empty calorie goodness to file for bankruptcy. Now I'm not going to get into the business end of this or one's opinion on corporations vs. unions etc.

Though I find it funny that when a company says “We need to cut wages OR lay people off to stay afloat" and the union tries to call their bluff, saying it's BS, but then the company goes under. It IS sort of an epic fail moment. Now, instead of making slightly less they all are making none (moreover, the people who were on the lower end and NOT part of the union). That is as far into this as I'll get because it is not the important part.

What is REALLY important is the loss of Twinkies! FINE, I admit I didn’t really like them. I liked Zingers better. They were colorful, but I WAS planning on making a fortress out of them one day and test just how well they would fare against canon fire. This also means no Ding Dongs. That is also a shame.

Those I could enjoy eating, but I also enjoyed throwing them onto the ice at hockey games. It really is pretty heartbreaking to see such an iconic company go down, even if they did nothing but aid to a fatter world, though I don't think they will be gone for good. True, they will never be the same Hostess, but brands and identities can be sold. The Twinkie kid may yet ride again someday.
 

The Hoard wins state senate seat

No good can come of this: Next raid meeting coming soon.

In a race for a seat in Maine's state senate, Democrat hopeful Colleen Lachowicz , a social worker, wife and step-mom was doing just what you would expect anyone running for office to do. That was until her opposition did what they usually do in these situations and started up the smear tactics, discovering that Colleen was a gamer. Moreover, a player of WOW.

"Disturbing alter-ego" and her "bizarre double life" were the calls from rivals hoping to topple Colleen's chances. They even went as far as to send out postcards and launched a website showing off her level 85 orc assassin "Santiaga," but rather than caving she ran with it.

The rivals even posted all sorts of comments she had made and flooded her campaign center with anti-gaming rants. It seemed this Orc had met her end. However when the polls closed and everything was counted, the Horde had gained a seat in the state senate. I find insane amounts of humor in this story to be honest.

I suppose more because it's a sign of the shifting generations in power, those of my age are in office now, and many are still active gamers and generally more social. Moreover, it shows people sometimes prefer seeing their candidates as humans whom have normal lives they can identify with.

Perhaps the reality is that it was a dirty thing to attack her on and it utterly backfired? I just love political fails like this. Though I wonder, if gaming was so bad and made her such a bad person for any position, then how did the opponents know about it and get all these quotes from InGame? Hm, something does not add up.

Lucas buy out

I sense much fear.

I write more than a few blogs, and you can be sure most of them this week are covering this. Why? Because this is what many of us grew up on. That and I admit to having a pretty unhealthy obsession. It's a shame all my kids have aged past the point of using them for my own amusement. Oh those were the days.

Here is where the fear gets stupid. The idea that Disney will ruin it. Really? Have people not seen the prequels? The dry dialog, the over use of "front shot, revere shot over and over and over" when people are talking? The fact virtually everyone seemed so disconnected from their environment (because it was mostly all green screen). The utter lack of believable emotional impact in the writing, which is highly underplayed, or blown up into (bad) soap opera proportions?

The Star Wars I love to death were the originals. I didn't even mind the special edition. Yet why is it I LOVED those so dearly and sort of felt put off by the prequels? It becomes clear when you remember George had very little control in the first films, then took over everything and had a army of yes men with the newest ones. Nobody could say "Hey George, like the basic idea, but how about if we...” No, it was all George. 

He's a great idea man, and did do wonders in finding new ways to do things. The problem is as a filmmaker to his own end, he's not the best. Disney (and mind you, not Disney Studios) has a way of taking an IP and keeping it unique and true to itself (like Marvel). So at the end of the day, is Disney any worse than where the franchise was headed on its own?   

Google rejects your politicos and replaces it with cats.

I would have picked otters personally.

Not long ago, there was a horrible invention that rocked the world called the Internet. Through this evil device misinformation, half-baked quazi-philosophy and a great many other things found their way to the minds of those of lesser stock-creating legions of followers whom then clung to every word as if it were undeniable truth.

Heroes such as fact check arose to eradicate the darkness, and though they battle on, the overwhelming masses continue to only grow, developing platforms known as “social media sites” to weave their spells of anti-erudite logic. The good high born of the land had no choice but be witness to the tainted nonsense that was until Lord Google rose from his throne and said enough was enough.

To combat the growing issue, Google unleashed an extension for their Chrome browser that turns political threads that find their way onto your Facebook wall or Twitter feed into images of cats. It is a well known fact on the Internet that the best defense against stupidity is a picture of a cat doing something adorable.

Sadly the “Unpolitic.me" is only for Google chrome, those using other browsers will still have to endure the onslaught. I will say- honestly- that when it comes to the land of the web anymore, I really, really can't help but picture a healthy population being “ that guy.” You know, the ones who have been around since the dawn of time with the wood signage tied to their back and front screaming about the end? It's sort of like that. Big difference being the “end is nigh” guys in the bronze age and up tended to use complete words and less semi-L337 or lol cat.

Top three Halloween fails

Costumes, houses and "fun size" candy bars

It's time to start something new, and by that I mean so heavily overdone that the fact I've yet to do them is a fail on its own. It's the top three biggest fails of Halloween. Naturally my opinion, though I'm pretty sure most can be agreed upon. That, and I'm the one writing this not you, so that makes it canon.1) Costume fail

One of the worst aspects of Halloween is going out looking stupid. I don't mean “haha, that's cute” stupid. I mean “wow, you REALLY considered this a good idea?” stupid. This could be things like going as Raggedy Andy or trying to squeeze 400 lbs into a cat suit intended for a woman no bigger than a size 10 or an anime schoolgirl outfit and being the “smallest” character of the cast. General rule of thumb: Avoid gag costumes when you can, unless it has relevance to your social group or, dress to your shape. Trust me (both men and women), this only draws more attention to being over/under weight and is not flattering at all.

2) THAT house

You know that house, there was always “THAT” house when you were younger. The house that gave you pencils or bibles or pennies. Worse cases of THAT house involves the house that is highly decked out, has a glass door you can see right into, see the massive bowl of candy and people sitting on the couch, but they won't get up when you ring the bell or knock. WTH man, there is trolling and then there is being just a lazy douche!  IT'S HALLOWEEN! I think you knew that!

3) Fun size

What am I going to do with a one quarter-size candy bar? Worse yet, you gave me one so I need to hit up three more houses and hope for the same fun size to get a candy bar. You're cutting my load down with those. Oh yes, to the kids reading this who were born after the "fun size" emerged: Once upon the time, we got full size candy bars and handfuls of them. Then the “much smaller” dark days came.
 

that golden touch

You'll get it in a moment.

There is something to be said about the things people will blow their money on all for the sake of themselves. I mean money can't buy happiness, but it sure buys a ton of “ stuff” to keep you distracted. It also can buy pleasurable things. Aside from the nice things like chocolates, or a good dessert liqueur, oh and yes even naughty toy things. And to nobody's shock this market extends far beyond the common folk into the range of the spending elite.

 

If you fall into that area Let me present to your new best “ $15,000” friend; The LELO Inez Gold Vibrator. Which for those in the know will point out is part of the LELO Luxe Collection . So what makes this thing so costly? That would most defiantly come from the 24k gold plated casing. Oh sure they say it's the silent five pre-programmed settings and wood box, but we know that's just a ruse. On the up side gold is hypoallergenic- but at 15k I expect that thing to buy dinner and compose masterful contemporary works on top of it.

 

You know, I'm sure I could just as easily go on some long long string of jokes and what not, more over just how...I actually can't think of a word here, I'm all for adult toys, they are nothing new and have been around for thousands of years- something being made of gold several hundred years ago makes sense, doing so today is really no different than pandering to the snobbishly elite, More over 15k ? I know guys can get a fully customized “ and really creepy” doll that weighs around 200 lbs and has a skeleton and all that for like- 2k and though far more creepy, the cost is more realistic. I know cars that cost less. Now were it pure solid platinum then we would be talking on a different level.

Halloween is dead to me

No, it's not coming back as a zombie.

Halloween is supposed to be a rather important holiday for quite a few people. For some, it's the festival of the harvest, for others it's new years, but for most people it's just a chance to eat candy. Look, it's alright there is no shame in an adult getting dressed up and going trick or treating. I don't care what anybody says; you do it for the candy!

I'm not going into great detail of the history of Halloween. There are a ton of shows on TV about Halloween night that cover that exact topic. I will point out that Halloween, as it has become known to most of us, is long dead. Well, for the longest time it has been about fun, costumes and candy, but it's become over commercialized, or just a joke in general it seems. 

There's nothing wrong with saying that it's also a children's holiday because let's face it, kids took over after few generations of it being an adult holiday and that's fine; it made it more fun. Going back to roots however, Halloween is supposed to be the night in which the veil, the boundary which separates the rounds of the living in the dead, is at its most powerful. That is supposed to create an eerie atmosphere.

And we all know that by having streets filled my little ponies and clowns (well clowns are pretty scary) and other things that just don't have anything to do with the theme of the holiday. It really is like somebody took Tim Burton's Nightmare Before Christmas and actually blended it with Christmas and Halloween.

The way people spend, the way people decorate, the way things are advertised, the mass store displays and the bad TV specials. It really is one giant, commercialized holiday. It's almost like all feeling has been lost and we are simply going through the motions. It's kind of like being stuck with people you really don't care about anymore, but you're so used the habit of it all and just take it for granted. That is what Halloween seems to have become.

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